Bereavement: A Shared Experience (Part 1)

After the death of my brother in October last year one of the means that God used to comfort me and help me handle the grief of losing my brother was through reading of books. One such book that I read was "Bereavement: A Shared Experience" by Helen Alexander. This book was recommended by Reverend Joe Simfukwe during a webinar that he and Reverend Joe Kapolyo facilitated on Handling Grief. I have taken the headings from the book and written my own thoughts based on the chapters under the headings below.

'So Alone!': The Fact of Death

When I heard the death of my brother Kenneth, I felt that he slipped away from us too suddenly. The evening before around 21 00 hours my brother in law Matthew and I were with him and said bye, the next morning around 02 00 hours we got a call that he was no more. Seeing my brother in the mortuary as we identified his body made my tears flow and made me realize that my brother had passed on for real. Seeing his body in the casket after it had been prepared by the funeral home made me come to terms with the fact that my brother’s death was indeed a reality.

Saying Goodbye: Acknowledging Reality

The service at the Cathedral of Blessing in Emmasdale was such a blessing and helped bring comfort to my grieving heart. The hymns we sang (some of which we had chosen) as well as the preaching of God's word (interestingly from Revelation 13 which I had also quoted in the Funeral Programme flyer) were comforting. The photos that were projected on the screen in church helped in reliving some of the precious times we had with my late brother. The body viewing though it caused me to cry a lot also made me be at peace as my late brother looked peaceful. The contribution of the church and the police towards the funeral church service and burial were helpful in giving Kenneth a fitting send off.

'It's Like My Heart is Breaking!': The Truth Sinks In

After we buried Kenneth and got back home the following day, the truth set in that he was no more. The chair he used to sit on at our home was vacant. The bedroom he slept in was empty. It felt so unreal. The times I went to his Ndola home to sort out things, the house looked like he had planned to come back after his hospital appointments. It felt so unbelievable that Kenny was not coming back to this home.

Gabriel Konayuma

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