Reflecting on the Death of my young brother

On 11th December, 2013, exactly 2 weeks before Christmas, a dark cloud hung over our family when we lost our young brother Tendai. Tendai was the last born in a family of five. He died at the age of thirty and having just graduated from his studies a few weeks earlier in November 2013. This article reflects on events leading to Tendai's death and some lessons that can be gleaned from his death.

Events leading to Tendai's death

Tendai was first admitted to the University Teaching Hospital on 30th November, 2013. At the time when I received a text message from my young sister Catherine that Tendai was unwell, I was at a Christmas musical concert with Sepo my son. We had to leave before the end to rush to the hospital. Tendai was brought to the hospital by Pastor Chisenga and Mr Mwami, our tenants in Emmasdale. He was admitted to the Filter Clinic and later transferred to the wards in the course of the week. Each time we visited him he looked better and certainly better than others admitted in the ward. He was discharged from UTH on 5th December. On 7th December, 2013, Catherine went to visit Tendai and took him some foodstuff and pocket money. They chatted quite a bit and there after she left him to rest.

Towards 18 00 hours on the same day, I got a call from Catherine informing me that Tendai was unconscious and was being rushed to UTH by Pastor Chisenga and Mr Mwami. I was taken aback as Tendai was barely two days back in hospital after being discharged. He gained consciousness while on the way to the hospital. He was admitted to the Filter Clinic and later moved to the Admission ward. Our efforts to have him moved to the High Cost wards did not bear fruit as the authorities informed us that due to inadequate staffing they were only taking patients already on the High Cost Medical Scheme. 

On Monday night (9th December) when I visited Tendai, he appeared not to be too well, as he was gasping for air. I alerted the nurse on duty and he was moved to a bed close to oxygen supply. Earlier on, I had visited a doctor friend, Bruce to let him know my brother was admitted and to pass through his bedside when he could. Before I left I prayed for Tendai. Clearly the situation was calling for someone to be at his bedside during the day and at night. I thus arranged for a family friend Ephraim to come over the following day on Tuesday. Little did I know that Ephraim was coming to spend his last time with his childhood friend this side of eternity. For by the time I got to the hospital bed the following morning, Tendai was gone. As I uncovered the blanket that covered him and saw his lifeless body I wept profusely. 

Coping with the reality of death

The sad reality of Tendai's death hit me so hard. We had all hoped that just like he was discharged the previous time he was admitted even this time around he would. From the time the doctor pronounced my brother dead to the time we got the medical certificate of death, we realised that Tendai was really gone. After informing close friends and relatives, we began preparations for the burial of Tendai. The funeral was held at our home in Libala. The Lord through generous friends and relatives provided for all we need for the funeral. 

Before Tendai's body was moved to St Johns hospital premises for burial preparation, a few relatives and myself went to the UTH mortuary to identify his body. Doing so was a very heavy experience for me. I could not hold back the tears that flowed as I watched the lifeless body of my young brother. Anyone that has being in the mortuary to identify the body of their relative can relate to the emotions I had. Burial took place on 13th December. There was a delay of an hour for mourners at the funeral home to go to the cemetery due to a heavy down pour of rains. 

The funeral service at Leopards Hill Memorial Park was taken by Clement Kaunda, pastor of Chiyanjano Baptist Church. He was assisted by Haggai Mweene, pastor at Northmead Assemblies of God Church. Haggai also happens to be my nephew. Clement preached an evangelistic message and urged us all to be prepared for death by putting our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. 

It's been ten months since Tendai died but it seems like a few weeks ago. I guess one can never get used to death. In my family we have lost my dad, mum and immediate sister and my brother. But each death seems different and you are made to realise the sense of loss. This side of eternity we will not be able to understand at how one that was in the prime of their life like my brother aged 30 or who had just graduated from College could die. But further along as one hymn goes we will understand it by and by and understand why. It has not been easy for my siblings: Catherine and Kenneth coming to terms with Tendai's death. But God's grace has and is sufficient for us. And words such as these by Helen Steiner Rice are comforting:

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

and when our time to depart from this life comes Helen Rice advises:

For none of us need go alone
Into the valley that is unknown,
But, guided by our Father's hand
We journey to the promised land.