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Finish School First

Introduction
Some trends usually sound and look attractive that young people never stop to think whether they are right for them. Youths normally find it easy to fall prey to the attractions of peer pressure. “All my friends are doing it” is the catch phrase. Youths fail to analyse the consequences of their actions.

I make the above statement because of the trend of boys and girls in secondary school to have girlfriends and boyfriends. Some boys and girls think that it is abnormal not to be in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex when they are in school. But is it really abnormal?

This pairing up of boys and girls is more common in co-educational schools. Pupils somehow think that the very fact that they are in a co-educational school means that they must have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Those in boys only or girls’ only schools will make efforts to have girl or boy friends in some neighbouring or sister schools. The writer recalls whilst attending a boys’ secondary school, the excitement that boys had when going to visit girls’ secondary school. Some boys would make every effort to look very smart and ensure that they make connections with some girl to be their girl friend.

1. Why not have relationships while at school
Why is it not wise to be in a relationship while still in school? I propose four reasons gathered from my experience as a student and a secondary school teacher.

(a) Teenage a period of self-discovery

Most secondary students are teenagers. Teenagers are in the process of self-discovery. A teenager is trying to establish who they are, what life is all about and laying a foundation for their lives after high school. Being in a relationship at such time is denying yourself for self-discovery and self-improvement.
(b) Difficulties in knowing what type of person you want in life
At this stage in life, it is difficult to be certain what type of person you want for a life partner. The writer knows very few who have courted from secondary school and gotten married later. Generally at this stage, your emotional and intellectual being is being developed. The danger of having a boyfriend or girlfriend at this time is that you may follow outward beauty more than character in choosing someone.
(c) Pressure to be in a relationship
Some youths are under pressure to be in a relationship because their friends are in one. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend because most of your friends have them does not give you the opportunity to carefully select the right type of person you want for a friend. You are under pressure to be in a relationship now! So anyone will do for you!
(d) School relationships do not last
Experience has shown that very few people who had girlfriends or boyfriends while still in school, eventually married each other. The whole issue of having a boy or girl friend becomes a game. One gets in and out of relationships in the same way one changes classes from one grade to another!

2. Relating to members of the opposite sex in school
How can one rightly relate to members of the opposite sex while they are still in school? I propose that you consider the following:

(a) School days are time to learn about the opposite sex
It’s a time to be just friends with the opposite sex without necessarily being in a love relationship. At this time you can learn more about how boys and girls behave without being in a relationship. Those that have brothers and sisters at home even have greater opportunities to learn about the opposite sex in terms of how they think, feel and act.
(b) Doing many useful things together
You should spend most of your school days learning, studying, playing and talking to one another without being in relationships. You’ll discover that you can be in study groups of boys and girls and benefit each other a lot.
(c) Help each other avoid destructive habits
You should help each other avoid destructive habits like pre-marital sex, drinking beer, smoking and taking drugs. You can also join useful clubs and sporting activities. You can also get involved in useful community activities.
(d) Build a solid foundation for life after school
Use your time to work hard and build a solid foundation for life after school. Dear friend, boys and girls will be there after you finish school. There is no need to rush into relationships. Finish school first. Some may think that it is being old fashioned not to expect someone to have a boyfriend or girlfriend while in school. There are a number who are now married that were patient enough to finish their studies first. Learn from such examples that have gone before you.

Conclusion
1. Set goals for your future while you are at school. What type of job do you want to do? What type of person do you want for a wife or a husband? Where do you want to work? Get advice from teachers, community leaders, schoolmates, parents and guardians.
2. Work very hard in class. Build good peer relationships with both boys and girls. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend just because it is in fashion is not a good reason for you to have one. Resolve to be different.
3. Finally make the most of your time at school. Make your school days memorable. Rushing into boy-girl relationships at this stage of your life will only bring you unnecessary heartaches and rob you of your precious time for your studies. Let him or her who has ears hear what has been shared in this article. I wish you God’s best in your studies. If you are not yet a Christian, seek the Lord and find salvation. If you must have a relationship in school I urge to have a living relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.


Gabriel S Konayuma
Revised 10/02/2007

Note: This article was first published in Guiding Light magazine of June – September 2002 edition.

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